The beginning of my book ?????

It's not a story I would read because it's not my genre but it's pretty good. Your ideas about what you want it to be like are pretty good but you need to work on collecting them together. They're kinda like messed up. You also need to work on you grammar. New speaker new line, commas, apostraphes etc. Overall, it's pretty good and i would keep reading the story. Keep writing !